It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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