DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize