ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
