Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
