I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
