So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
