He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
