Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
