In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
