cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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