And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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