Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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