one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My ass is underappreciated
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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