I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
