just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm passing your future prison.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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