you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
