There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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