no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
