a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
