I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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