Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
