I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
