So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
farters have to be the big spoon...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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