it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
