Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
