i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
