Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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