Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
