i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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