She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
