Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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