So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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