never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
