It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
