dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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