it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
