Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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