Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
