No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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