i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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