my room smells like sperm. sweet.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
