At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
