Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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