you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
