YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
