Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
