I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize