the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
