I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
