At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
