I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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