People with herpes should wear stickers.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
