Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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