home. puking in laundry basket.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
