So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
