I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
