I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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