My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As shirtless as possible
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
