Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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