either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
