don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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