"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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