oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
