Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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