He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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