I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
