Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
