after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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