he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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