ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
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Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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