Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
