he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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