there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
