i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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