Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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