ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize