I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
