What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
