I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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