If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
