I hope mine doesn't look like that
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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